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As Children of the New World, we seek to join our Mothah in Heaven by adhering to the Doctrine of Six, which God Zooks has laid out for us.
- As God Zook's love for his children is unwavering, so too should our love for him be and to his Mothah, and Gramma, His Pet, His Toy and the Shpirit of ASHLOZMO (always capitalized).
- To give Hail Hail to the Gangzeleer, what the hell do we care!
- To foster an unbullied mothahhood of fivegiveness and acceptance of fungable credits.
- To remember that No good deed remains unpunished.
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The following are aspects of our Faith which may be of special interest to you.
- We believe in The Lake of Boiling Borscht, and in the eternal entertainment by Milk Commercials.
- Snidely Whiplash (which many call The Devil) is seen as a bad guy that drives a black BMW.
- We declare that Joozis is the Promised Meshugah, also known as the "Son of the Plumber"
- We consider all people to be capable of rehabilitation except for wusses, shmendricks and shmucks (you know who you are).
- We believe in the reconstitution of the soul as the herd of Hoogly Hamsters takes us to the Secon Kindom up in heaven.
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